DAY 21. 07/04/2020
Dear diary,
It’s 2 in the afternoon and I’ve just woken up with a massive headache and the sun streaming through my bedroom window, overloading my senses and making me feel sick to my stomach. Just when I thought I was getting a hang of this quarantine thing I realise that I’m completely and utterly tired of it all.
DAY 40. 26/04/2020
Dear diary,
Just after I’d been having a few really good days, I feel as though I’d hit a brick wall. I’ve been in my room in bed all day and I feel defeated. I can’t explain why but this day has just been particularly hard to get through. I definitely haven’t been eating enough and that should worry me more than it does.
Maybe what I need now is a nice hot shower, that normally does the trick.
DAY 42 28/04/2020
Dear diary,
The shower did make me feel better, at least it was easier to go to sleep that night.
I woke up this morning to grey clouds and the gentle pitter-patter of rain against my bedroom window. There goes my chance to take a walk, clear my head and just escape my house for a moment. This upset me more than I realized and I end up staying in bed for the rest of that morning and eventually the rest of the day.
I thought at some point I’d get up, brush my teeth, have a shower and put on some nice clothes. I knew starting the day like that helps you keep motivated and feeling better about yourself; but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I stayed in bed; all day. I binged watched a new TV show, I got to season 2 by that evening. I knew that staring at a screen all day isn’t healthy but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. The longer I stayed in bed, the number and more disconnected I felt. I kept constantly checking my phone for notifications even though I knew that I already ignored all the messages I had gotten that day. I just wanted a distraction, something; anything.
It probably didn’t help that I spent the whole day watching a show about assassins and psychopaths; it just made me feel more dead inside. I spent the whole day feeling like I was outside my body.
Maybe I’ll feel more like myself tomorrow.
Or maybe I’m just depressed.
Lol who knows.
By Morola Oyefesobi
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