Ping. My phone lit up, revealing my R2D2 background. Sunlight streamed in my room, bouncing off my plants. I was laying on my bed, dressed in baggy ripped jeans and my favorite white crop top. I spent the last thirty minutes making sure that I picked the perfect outfit and earrings to match. Some sort of butterfly-like/anxious feeling shot through my body as soon as I heard that ping next to me. I read his short message quickly, and I shot up, excited to see him. My feet hit the floor almost immediately. I bolted towards the door, pausing to quickly fix my hair and check if I looked good. I wrenched the door open, sprinting, well more like hopping down the stairs. I pushed open the white glass door with a little too much force, running to greet him. As I crossed the front lawn, I started to realize just how good he looked in the mid-afternoon sun. My heart started beating a little too fast for my liking, and my full cheeks started to fill with color. He was on his skateboard--wearing all neutral colors of course. He had on black jeans, a grey Nike crew neck, and his white vans. His black curly hair was perfect, as per usual, and in his hands, he clutched a white plastic bag. I was ranting to him earlier about how shitty my day had been, and since he knows I am an avid sushi lover, he offered to stop buying some rolls. This was his supposed remedy for everything that was going wrong. “Hey,” he said, bringing my attention to his face. God damn he was gorgeous. “So I got you two rolls of spicy crab, your favorite, and an eggroll. I stopped by Five Guys for a cheeseburger for myself,” he explained, lifting up the bags.
“You're literally the best,” I answered. He handed me the bags as we walked up the driveway to the backyard. For the next hour, we devoured our food and conversed about the most random things out on my backyard patio. This was heaven. It was perfect outside. I was eating my favorite food. We were having fun, and to top it all off, I was spending time with my best friend--well he meant a lot more to me than just that.
"Hey I gotta tell you something,” he said, breaking the momentary silence, “I know it's been a while since we dated, but I still like you. I don’t think I have ever stopped having feelings for you, and I just had to tell you. Sorry if this messes anything up, I just had to get it off my chest.” I was shocked. My heart skipped a beat. Everything that I had hoped for was actually coming true.
“No way! I feel the same.” I answered. He smiled, making my cheeks prickle with pink coloring. Just as he was opening his mouth to say something…
Poof.
Everything was gone. My eyelids snapped open, eyes fixated on the black sun & moon tapestry suspended over my small bed. I snapped up immediately. I ran my hands through my hair, trying to grasp onto anything remaining of that dream as it slipped into nothingness. It was the first time I have had a good dream in months, and of course, it was about him. The one that is always on my mind. The one that I have always had feelings for. The one that has been through everything with you--your rock for years. The one that has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. But that's the thing. As I sit on my bed, elbows on knees, delving deep into thought, I wonder just that. He has seen so much of me. Does he see me as some unfeeling ghost that fools around with guys for fun? Or does he just see me as just some girl that has hurt him before and one that will hurt him again? Does he even see me the same as he did before? Will he just hurt me like everyone else, or will someone finally treat me like I mean something to them? Will I finally be someone’s first choice? Does he even like me? All these questions swirl around my head as I reminisce about that perfect dream. But even that is gone. All that is left of you two being together is your almost-daily facetimes, your wish that you could cuddle with him and watch movies all day, and a wild hope one day you guys can just chill in his room and blast music, just enjoying each other. But it was just a dream. No matter how badly you want it to be a reality, you know too well that you are too scared to ever tell him your true feelings. You fear all your speculations about how he sees you are true. So all you do is sink back into the pillows, your mind filled with the thought of that dream being a reality. How badly you want to tell him how you really feel. So you tell yourself that maybe one day you will finally act on it. Maybe the dream will finally come true. But that's the thing. It’s just a dream. Just a dream.
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