the top of a ferris wheel is for wishes- when you’re far enough from the ground to see your whole world and close enough to the sky to be heard by the whole universe. i can remember every high school summer by the wishes i made a habit of whispering in those quick-passing moments.
that first summer, i wished for the courage to enter high school with some dignity after an eighth grade full of teary nights spent heartbroken over lost friendships and debilitating worry. staring up at the stars, i wished for real friends to go to the fair with next year. that summer, the universe listened with
an attentive ear and granted my wishes many times over.
the next summer, my heart swelled with all too much emotion, i wished for nothing but her forgiveness so i could stop listening to self control by frank ocean on a loop. i spent every wish trying to bend the will of the universe, trying to give someone a role in my life that she was never meant to play. that summer, the universe held my greatest desire light years from my reach and granted me patience instead.
the following summer, i wished for anything that would take away the heavy feeling that my corner of the earth had been brought to a halt. i wished away the boredom, the longing, the sadness that my best source of entertainment was moving thousands of miles away. i danced in a lightning storm to excessively loud music and still, i couldn’t shake my restlessness. as that summer came to a close, the universe laughed at my naivety and overcompensated until i regretted every time i wished for some excitement.
entering this summer, i struggle with what to wish for. i want to ask for the strength to hold on to what i have and where i am and who i’m surrounded by with the tightest grip possible. and yet, if i have learned anything with each rotation of the earth, each passing summer, it is that nothing will ever stay the same for too long. i want to ask for the last year of my childhood to be gentle with me, but with the inevitable changes lying before me i don’t want to waste a wish on the impossible. above all, i think i have settled on this: i wish to hold onto this feeling of abundance enough to not need too many ferris wheel rides this summer.
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